Shadows of the Past

Change is inevitable they say

And I thought so

The Sundays are not the same

Nor are are the Saturdays

Neither are the Fridays

But then why everytime when I sip a cup of coffee in CCD,

Do I feel the same old faces surrounding me!

It seems so strange

That this feeling has yet not changed

And the pleasure I derive from it is still unchanged...

Time waits for no one they say

True I believed

There is no more strolling in the roads past midnight

There is no more discussion now about finding my Miss Right

And there is no more brainstorming every morning of new ways to woo her

But then why when I walk back to my room every night

Do I hear the non-existent but still so present voices whispering in my ears!

It seems so strange

That time almost rewinds itself

And that then I feel so much of my own self...

Distance kills every relationship they say

It seemed logical

There is no more sharing of each other's owes

Now we don't see each other every day

Neither do we have regular chats now

But then why when I feel weak and defeated

Do I see myself talking to the same persons everytime

It seems so strange

That this relation has remained the same

And that it gives me so much strength...

When it Rained...

Pressed the snooze button thrice and finally dismissed the alarm before delving back into dreamland. Delhi was witnessing heavy rains after a long and dry 300 days of summer and it was one hell of a feeling. Wrapped up in a cosy blanket, a cool breeze stroking my hair, the sound of rain drops gently swaying me along and the petrichor* rising up in the air like a perfume to me. Describing it in one phrase I was having an orgasmic feeling.

Everything around was so peaceful and quiet except the rains but a strong sense of anxiety and restlessness began to stir me from within like never before. I felt like I was on a high almost intoxicated by it. I could feel it nudging me, caressing me, filling me from within. I was yearning to hold it, get engulfed by it. Gradually I lost sense of what was around me. I felt as if I made love with it.

Today there was no one else; no one to shake me up and bring me back to the so-called reality. The anxiety, the restlessness was not there. There was no other noise to make me regain the fact that there exists an alternate world where I spend most of my time in my “conscious” state of mind. The only noise was that of the incessant rain but it was not preventing me from finding that realm of my inner stillness which is an inseparable but a rarely visited part of my being.

It was strange, somewhat scary. I lost control of my physical self but I was freely moving around witnessing places I have never been to before. It was so magical when it rained...


*Petrichor: (pronounced PET-rih-core) means"the pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather" - First use by geologists I.J. Bear & R.G. Thomas for an article they published in the journal Nature in 1964

I, Me & Myself

Who Am I

Am I the reflection of the learnings I had in life

Learnings form the mistakes I have committed

And from those committed by others

So am I just a result of all those mistakes

Am I a constant or a variable

At times I am like a painting being painted

Which can be wiped off and repainted differently

As I can unlearn my learnings and learn things newly

People around me say to me that it’s a virtue

But at times I am like a boiled egg

Which now cannot be made into an omelette

As I hold some values which cannot be reshaped

People around me say that it’s a virtue too

So should I be a constant or a variable?

Am I a discovery or Am I an invention

I discovered I can sing well, I will be a singer I thought

Some said you have not learnt enough to make such a decision

Some said To learn there are endless things; you can never take a decision then

The right way to go is this – Do what you are good at

Life took a different turn; I studied management I had no idea about

Now I do a job MBA graduates are supposed to do and yes, I am loving it

So I invented a part in me that’s a manager

Some say I was not made for it

Some applaud me for my endeavours and results I produce

So when I get time to spend with Me, I often ask this to myself “Who am I?”

Dust, Sweat, Disappointment & a Musical Rendezvous

I was crying now. After trying hard to touch the land below, I had to finally give up. It all started a few moments ago. I could remember every instance vividly now. I was with my friends on a beach and we were all playing, making sand castles, carving our name on sand and then watching the waters wash them away. We would try again, carving it deeper this time but couldn’t win over the waters. We then stood up and moved closer to the waters and felt the cool sea breeze and the land beneath us drifting away into the waters.

Ho ho!! Hooooooooo… Shubh started running fast and we all followed him. Soon it became a race about who could reach that huge rock the earliest. I ran hard and to my surprise, there was no sign of exhaustion. I kept increasing my pace and soon I was the leading the flock of racers. But the fun was in increasing the gap between me and the people behind me. So I kept running faster and faster. And then, I started feeling lighter. I felt as if I was virtually putting in no effort to move this fast. As if there is no force beneath my feet. And oh man!!! I was flying…

I was flying!! I was not only moving fast but I was moving up towards the sky. My friends were looked amazed but at that point of time I was more concerned about my flight. I started going upper and upper and soon that huge rock was there. I was above. Now it was the time to get down on it…

A few seconds past by and I could see the rock behind me. When I saw ahead, I could see the blue waters; but then, when I saw behind, I was not able to locate my friends. I badly wanted to touch the ground now. But I couldn’t. All of a sudden I lost control of myself. I was moving ahead and rising up faster and faster. All effort I was made to stop myself proved futile. Still I saw no sign of any physical exhaustion in me. But I felt as if I am internally exhausted.

I was in white space. The sunrays got brighter. Soon I couldn’t tolerate the heat and my left ear started burning…

I was sweating. I removed the chaddar, got down, moved towards the balcony and closed the door. I pulled the curtains to cover the windows and prevent the sunlight from coming in. I was not exactly fresh but didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. It was 10:35 in the morning. I had my convocation the next day and had to get some work done before that.

I took the Bisleri bottle and hydrated myself. Quickly I moved towards the shelf, applied the paste on my toothbrush and moved towards the bathroom. On the way I realized that I forgot my chappals; but then decided to continue without them. Bare foot on the floor felt nice…

It was 11:00 and I had to be at the station in another 200 minutes. Though my parents felt they could find their way out to IIM, I had my own reasons. Firstly, I wanted them to feel that I care for them and also because the previous night I went to receive Priyanka’s parents and so I ought to go and receive mine. Well considering it takes 40 minutes to reach station, I had 160 minutes to clean up my room for one last time… actually also for the first time… I took a look around. But I knew that I couldn’t get discouraged now. So I collected all the clothes first and dumped it into the almirah.

All the Mint papers (that’s the newspaper I followed) were collected and heaped outside the door. The magazines (The Entrepreneur, Forbes India, Business India & Business World) were stacked nicely on the top shelf. The books and case-mats on the shelf below followed by various papers, printouts, etc. And the bottom row had books like “Fooled by Randomness”, “The Black Swan”, “Freakonomics” and the like…

So finally, after the books and papers were arranged, I got the rest of the table which was unoccupied all this long cleaned up. It looked like an Indian village with fragmented rectangular patches of dust separated by black rectangular patches which used to rest to the books. After all the dust farms were shaved off, I nicely placed my Lenovo ThinkPad and connected it to the LG monitor (my laptop screen was broken; but not for long). The bare floor was visible after a long time. I felt proud looking around. It was already 12:40 now. I had to clean the dust off myself now…

I called up Ahmed bhai and fixed up a meeting near the Gurudwara on SG (Sarkhej-Gandhinagar) Highway at 1:15 PM. It was extremely hot outside. But 4 years in Nagpur gave me enough training to face such dry heat.

Ahmed bhai was like a farishta to me. A week back, I saw him staring inside my room. I went up to him rather irritated. He enquired if there was a problem with my Laptop screen as I had connected an external display. I was happily surprised. I told him the problem and that the laptop didn’t have an accidental warranty. He assured me that he will take care of the matter. Though I was not convinced enough, I saw some hope in him.

A couple of days later he called me up and gave a brilliant idea. Due to threat of plagiarism (as his idea is not copyrighted yet - copyright norms are not yet present for these kinds of ideas; though I believe such ideas are driving business at the grass root level), I am nor revealing his idea here. However, I would like to state that this idea didn’t occur to any of us IIMA guys. Well, I followed his words and my screen was set for without me putting my hand into my back-pocket. And it was 1:42 now.   

I thanked Ahmed bhai and left for station. After dialogues like “Mera beta bilkul such gaya”, etc. etc., we left for IIM. Mom was happy to see my “nicely kept” room. I took them to a Bengali Restaurant.

We had a rehearsal for convocation the next day. I consciously decided not to go for it (I know many of you will find it ridiculous) but I wanted to maintain the novelty of that feeling of wearing the gown, moving towards the stage, people clapping around…

So, I spent an hour with parents without informing them of my stupid intention. At 5:00 PM I went to the music room to rehearse for my last performance in IIMA (or maybe in life) in front of a huge audience. It was a big moment actually. My parents (esp. mom) would see me live on-stage for the first time.

After 2 hours of practice, I took my parents to the grand pre-convocation dinner. Then the award ceremony happened (not the serious one). And then at 11:30 PM, the permission to keep the auditorium open was not given.

It was a real sad and disappointing moment for us musicians. We were all prepared and pumped up to give our best. But it didn’t happen and we couldn’t accept it. We assembled at the LKP (Louis Kahn Plaza), occupied a few chairs, we would occupy tomorrow during the convocation and started jamming. People gathered and then sat around us, requesting for more. And it was the best live performance for all of us.

True, parents were not there, but the last time ought to be with this audience for whom we have been performing for the past two years, who applauded our songs for the past two years, whom we would miss the most for the coming years and whom we will see forever whenever we look back to this musical rendezvous.

The gap was wide enough. Some went to become hot-shot I-Bankers, some towards NGOs, some entrepreneurs and some (like me) to support entrepreneurs. But we wanted to be together and we were grounded strong to our values and our will to stay together.

***

I was flying again rather we were hopping together. Flying at times, touching the ground again. We all conquered that huge rock in one giant leap and then stood there and looked towards the endless waters. Moments later, we were returning back; we knew we could move ahead but staying back felt better. We had each other around…

मैं आतंकवादी क्यूँ बना - an attempt to understand the unexplainable

गर्म सांसें, भीगी आँखें, आश्चर्य मेरे मन में था
अगले ही पल नम ये आँखें और शोक भरा इस दिल में था
क्यूँ हुआ अपने ही साथ किस्मत का ऐसा बदसुलूक
क्यूँ किया अपनों पे ही दुनिया ने ऐसा जुल्म
जिस समाज को माना था मैंने एक देवभूति
क्यूँ उसी ने मांग ली मेरे अपनों की ही आहुति


अब इस पल थी शांत सांसें और क्रोध मेरे मन में था
आँखों में थे रक्त जागे और प्रतिशोध भरा इस दिल में था
जिस दुनिया ने है छीन ली मुझसे मेरे जीवन का सवेरा
क्यूँ न फैला दूं इसके हर कोने में मैं अँधेरा
हमदर्दी का जवाब जिन्होंने हमे दर्द से दिया
अब उन्हें क्या हक़ हो की वो मनाते रहें खुशियाँ


रंगे हुए है जो हाथ मेरे अपनों के ही लहू से
धोना है मुझे अब इन्हें इन्ही कातिलो के खून से!!

Demistifying CAT

CAT is not tough. It’s definitely not the toughest exam in the world at least at an intellectual level. So I found it quite humorous when Harsha Bhogle said so in his talk on ’12 truths beyond CAT’. But then, after his talk came to an end and I started analysing my past one year at IIM-A, I somehow got convinced that CAT is indeed one of the toughest exams in the world if not the one and so is surviving here at IIM-A. This is not because it has got a handful of IMO level problems in the Quant section, not because it has one of the toughest tests on DI that I have ever witnessed and neither because it requires an extraordinary vocabulary to clear its section on English. In fact, none of these things holds true for CAT.

According to me, CAT requires primarily three things; Common sense, Commitment and a Capability of time management (and of course the right attitude and morals to get into an IIM). I wish to call this the 3C-funda for cracking CAT (After courses on HR and marketing, I have developed a kind of fetish to manufacture and apply frameworks to most of the things I do except to matters of heart. I wish to write something on the latter as well but am not quite sure of the idea as I have been an eternal loser in this field).

Well, coming back to CAT, the quant section just requires you to retain the very basic fundamentals of simple mathematics that we have learnt at school level (not even high school!!!); DI requires common sense and some bit of practice; English just requires the habit of reading newspapers/novels (not like a GK maniac; rather just for fun and to be informed) and of course developing an ability to manage your time well (believe me, there’s nothing in life for which you will have infinite time). So basically, it is about doing the simple things well rather than doing extraordinary stuff which normal people leading a normal life cannot and then combining ability with the right attitude.

Most of the time it is the toughest to do the simple things well because many of us are occupied enough in doing things which others can’t do though the fact is in most of the cases, winning requires you to do the former right rather than the latter and that is what makes CAT one of the ‘toughest exams in the world to crack’. You need not be an abnormal person to clear CAT.

Disclaimer: I would be more than happy if someone takes out something out of this article but in no way is this article a guide to clear CAT

Warning: This article has been written after having one peg each of whisky and vodka and considering that I am not a drinker, this is high enough for me to get high

We did the 'Diu'

I had just lost 3 matches in a row. Had it been any other day, I would have definitely played more matches until I achieved victory or the shuttle stopped behaving normally. But this day was different. So, I congratulated Shivika on her win and hurriedly left for my room.

It was a strenuous journey; navigating my way through the red-bricked walls, I tried to follow the shortest path. Running on the mud, climbing up and down multiple stairs and travelling underground through the underpass with cars cruising over me, I finally reached my room with a parched throat and a sweaty body. But there was excitement filled in my heart. I just glanced for a moment at a brown wheel-bag lying at a corner of my room and the next few moments went by scanning through the bundle of clothes and selecting a “privileged few” to share the ensuing dose of ‘48-hours “ossumness” ’ (yup! That’s how we spell it) with me.

So, 14 of us from different corners of the campus gathered near the SBI ATM in campus at 2100 hours to make the maiden trip after slogging hard for the last 5 months in IIMA. The time was ours and we were all eager to etch its every moment so deep in our minds that we can visualise them whenever we wish to for years to come.

We quickly caught hold of 5 autos and reached Star Bazaar to board the 10:30 bus. But it became an 11:15 bus. However, we were there to enjoy. Ideas kept pouring in. We decided to fill our stomachs with egg bhurji, omelette and half fry at the Egg zone thela; and what a treat it was. Woh masaledaar chatpata khaana jiske liye hum taras rahe the, wo hume aakhir mil hi gaya. An ossum start to an ossum trip. So, after the pet puja, we got on to the bus to follow the roads to Diu.

Well, our stomachs were satisfied, but our hearts were crying out for some more masti and dhamaal and so that was what we did. The bus was almost fully booked by us. So without caring much we started with baithe baithe kya kare, karna hai kuch kaam; shuru karo antakshari leke prabhu ka naam. Surprisingly enough (actually not to me), the girls team was on the losing side at the end of it. But the night, yet not over was asking for more. Some IITians in the group preferred sleeping (this is just a dramatization, nothing against IITians) while others decided ki ek dusre ka game liya jaaye. So we started with the Truth & Dare game which soon got converted to Tell us your top 5 crushes game; and yes, we didn’t spare the sleeping souls.

Need not mention, there was regular food stops to ensure that we always have a fresh foods inventory.

In this way, that ossum night came to an end but only to give space to even more ossumer moments because when we next opened our eyes to the mild rays of sun, we witnessed an island retreat gently rocked by the wind and the wave from the Arabian Sea offering an undisturbed peace and raising our hopes for an unusual holiday. As we put our first steps on ground, we saw a somewhat strange vehicle unique to Diu. They call it the ‘shuttle’.

The next 48 hours of our lives were spent in immersing ourselves in the beauty and serenity of the place. The days were full of exploring the city (a primary part being finding the cheapest beer available), playing with the sea-waves, conquering the huge coral reefs and we saw the Diu Fort, and behold its every sight justified the trip and made it even more worthwhile. As they say, a picture can speak a thousand words, words which I may not be able to think to describe the vastness, the beauty and the sheer strength that got conveyed from every part of the fort. What follows now are a few glimpses of that gigantic and marvellous architecture.

Well the beauty and pride of Diu is enhanced manifold by the fort. But Diu is not limited to this. Here are some more aspects of the beautiful city and some brilliant photography.

There are many more shades to the island city which may not have been portrayed through these pictures. We went there to get a break from the hectic academic environment of IIMA but surprisingly, we learned a lot here and the place helpedn us foster some strong bonds among ourselves. The later part didn’t surprise me much though as a place where four different languages are spoken, where people of different origins live so peacefully together, where there are 1175 females every 1000 males and where the literacy rate is 75%; in short, a place which has carved its own story of success without pointing a finger at the rest of the nation is sure to bring about some positive changes in everything that is associated with it.

Photography Credits: Chaitanya Tambay

Organizer of the Trip: Ankit Mohan aka Sapela